Where is the Commish?

Have you seen Commish Kirby?

The Oxford Daily
Bill Faulkner

As attendance falls and player and manager apathy rises in the BIGS, one question looms over the league: where in the world is Commish Sam Kirby when his league really needs him? The only sighting of Kirby in recent days was in South Korea during the Altizer-Kirby summit. Today, no one seems to know if he has gone into Howard Hughes type exile or if his private jet went down somewhere near the Bering Strait on his way home from the Hermit Kingdom. One thing is for sure: he is utterly aloof while his league desperately needs him.


Who is here to straighten out the Youkalis-Porcello brawl? Why hasn't he weighed in on the sharp decline of Really Stevens attendance? When will he address the defamation campaign of his beloved Meerkats by the Baton Rouge Press? Kirby has remained as silent as Commissioner of BIGS baseball as Brian Whitaker has as manager of the Greenville Gaywads. The biggest question is: How much longer does Kirby have at the helm of the BIGS?


When a captain of a ship is apathetic then the ship will inevitably sink. Luckily for the BIGS, the co-pilot of the league, Andy Harrison, is devoted to steering the ship through rocky waters. Is this a case of the student becoming the master? Or will Sam Kirby finally emerge from under the rock he has been under and do something about, and for, the BIGS?


There is still time for Kirby to save his legacy and turn the 2009 season around into something more exciting and profitable, but the time is now. The BIGS are in a fragile state and Kirby is the person who must put the league on more solid ground. The future of the league depends on him.