Kirby Losing More Than Games...

Baton Rouge - AP contributing writers

In a rash publication this week, Sam Kirby, Bigs Commish and SmearCats manager, released some scathing comments about our beloved Biscuits skipper, Joey Abel and lost a bit of respect around the league. The bulk of the story was fluff, but the main message called Abel and the Biscuit's resolve, among other things, into question. He stopped short of calling the Biscuit's 2007 championship a fraud, but the writing was on the wall. Kirby also answered a report in the Baton Rouge Advocate that claimed his club was championship-less by referencing his 2004 "victory." as proof of his pedigree. Many Baton Rougians may not remember the circumstances surrounding the Bigs in 2004 since the Biscuit's expansion year was 2005, but the five-team league was more like double-A than it was the majors. Kirby and Martinsville did in fact make the playoffs, along with everyone else in the league, and beat out the other five squads for the win.

Although Abel, in his humble and classy style, refused to comment on Kirby's fairy tale, other managers were not so forgiving. "This mother****** has **** for brains." ranted Andy Harrison, "I'd rather have diarrhea and eat it than listen to that angry little man talk." Oxford Otters manager, Whit Altizer, was also critical of Kirby's attempted defamation saying, "Sam has lost a step...I know it, he knows it, and every manager in the league knows it."

What has many Biscuit fans steaming, however is not Kirby's most recent comments, but the consistent barrage of questionable accusations the underperforming commish supplies. One local, who identified himself only as Boudreaux, commented "Eh Cher!, that Kirby's got a mouth like an ol gator, yeah...real big, but not too strong anymo." Boudreaux was asked to give further comment, but was late for his possum hunting trip in a local bayou, a common practice in the sportsman's paradise.

Boudreaux, like most Louisianians, gets around in a boat

Perhaps the biggest slight to the Biscuits was the fact that they never even saw the Bigs Trophy after the blood, sweat, and tears they gave in 2007. Kirby is still rumored to have withheld it from Abel and their were even some reports that Kirby spooned it every night for a year just to see what it felt like to not sleep alone. Many around the league recognize Abel's managing prowess and are not afraid to show it. Whit Altizer has been spotted with a "I'm with Abel" t-shirt. Habenero skipper Justin Brittle, always known for his affection towards Abel, had his middle name legally changed to Joe-Joe saying, "I love that guy, in a very homosexual way." RebelRousers skipper JP Vinson, however, perhaps said it best after placing 2nd to Baton Rouge in 2007:

"As much as I hate to say it (and most likely will regret one day), you have to give Abel credit for rallying his players throughout the playoffs. He had the toughest road to the Championship and damn if he didn't bend us all over and stick it to us like I did to Kirby's mom. I truly believe you may have witnessed the greatest championship series the BIGS has or will ever see...it was that good"

JP Vinson, who has recently been connected to racism and allegations of sexual harassment (see below), is probably regretting those comments on this day, but they certainly do capture the spirit of the Biscuits and the positive energy they bring to the BIGS year in and year out.

We've always known Vinson to be wild, but this is borderline reckless...

When asked to comment on JP Vinson's flattering comments, Abel stoically replied, "He was a worthy opponent. Worthy to eat my nut***" Abel may eat his own nut***, however, as the Biscuits road may go through Atlanta to get back to the top of the heap and silence all of his doubters. What is unclear is the role Kirby and Martinsville will play. Falling to the Rousers this week may put a playoff berth out of reach for Kirby seeing as he faces a suddenly hot Hanover club before squaring off with our home town Biscuits in the final week.