Otters Give Love a Bad Name: Playoff Picture Forming

Baton Rouge - Jon Bon Jovi

As the final week of the regular season begins, the playoff window looks to be all but shut on many of the Bigs Clubs, including the Oxford Otters, who were handed a bittter blow from the Boozehounds last week. Otters manager and former Bigs Commish, Whitney Altizer (seen left), seemed apathetic at best when reached for comment in his hot tub in South Korea. "Hey, we did all we could, you can't win 'em all," said Altizer, who many believe has all but jumped ship on the Bigs and is planning on starting a new league on the Korean penninsula. Leaks from PyongYang report Altizer and Kim Jong Il are currently in the middle of a deal. The increasingly cryptic Altizer, when asked about a possible north-south baseball league, remarked "If you live in the river, you should make friends with the crocodiles." Whatever that means, unless the Otters can pull of an epic upset and get help from the Habaneros, they will most likely be watching the playoffs from home this year.

In other news around the league, our hometown Biscuits fell to an inspired Toes club but held their 4 game lead over the MehCats, who were handed a loss at the hands of the Habaneros, who have become the most feared club around the Bigs despite their current 6th seed. Manager Justin Brittle (seen below in his usual cross-dress) was reached for comment after beating the MehCats saying, "Sometimes it's about who gets hot at the right time. I'm in love with Joey Abel." Brittle's emphatic love for the Biscuits manager has been well documented over the years, most recently culminating in a retraining order placed on Brittle after he stole a pair of Abel's boxers and a pillowcase from Abel's home.

Pat and the Boozehounds have death grips on first round byes, but the last four seeds will most likely be decided on the outcome of the highly anticipated MehCat-Biscuit matchup, who are both knocking on the door of the 3 seed, held by the suddenly floundering Rousers.

Abel, for his part, is heading into this week just like any other saying, "This is just another week, and we're gonna go out there, and try to get another win." But everyone around Louisiana and the country knows this is not just another week, going up against Sam Kirby and the MehCats. Kirby, and the rest of the MehCat camp have been suspiciously quiet on the matchup so far, but those close to Kirby report that he hasn't been able to eat or sleep the past few days in anticipation of this clash. The source, who asked not to be identified said that Kirby "looks sicklier than usual," which is saying quite a bit. The 09 regular season is almost in the books, but there's still a lot to be decided.