2010 Playoffs Begin, Biscuits In by a Thread for a Continental Showdown

Baton Rouge - AP

Ippy Nash

A collective sigh was heard emanating from Louisiana's capital city this morning as residents awoke to the news that the Biscuits, despite receiving a thorough drumming from top seed Pats, had clinched the final wild card playoff spot. They will face a strong Blue Jays club, still stinging from losing its #2 seed and a 1st round bye in the final week of the regular season. A Bigs expansion team that has caused a huge splash by surprising many around the league with their tenacity and grit, the Jays take the #3 overall seed into the postseason. Despite a weak core of keeper fielders, they stuck to a formula throughout the draft and season, mainly take as many players from Toronto as possible, and it's paid off. The four Jays sluggers on the club have hit over 100 long balls combined and former Blue Jay ace, Roy Halladay leads the league in almost every pitching category. But many Baton Rouge residents have questions about the Blue Jays skipper, Tony Gallant.

Gallant, pictured above in the position he's been for nearly two months, is what many canadians like to refer to as a "Busker." Defined loosely as a type of street performer, entertaining for money, Gallant has until recently been able to juggle his two identities. By day, Gallant worked in the front office and clubhouse, but his true passion began when he put on his tap shoes. Seen below in action with good friend Sid in 2008, Gallant was on top of the world, but that all changed when he took the big league position.

Sources close to the organization purport that a big stipulation from the GM of the Jays was that Gallant give up his "less than honorable" profession. He had worked his way up through the Jays ranks, managing the New Hampshire Fisher Cats for 10 years and most recently the Las Vegas 51's for 2 years. He was called up to the Northside after no one else in the universe wanted to manage the Canadian ball club and despite piecing together a dominant club in 2010, many believe he won't really be whole again till he can dance.

What should be of more concern to the Biscuits than Gallants' tapping shoes are the Blue Jays' bats. The clubs split their regular season matchup, but the confidence from the fans in the Biscuits is waning at best after the only consistence the club has shown all year has been its inconsistency.

The Final Countdown; 2010 Proving to be Dramatic

Baton Rouge-AP

Ippy Nash

With the 2010 playoff race coming into the home stretch, it seems no one's ticket to the postseason is punched yet. Barring a colossal collapse, the current top seed Pats certainly seem headed for the dance. A 1st place seed that looked certain after they reeled off 7 straight victories from before the all-star break is now in jeopardy after the self-proclaimed "karate adult" has lost 3 of his last 4 weeks and is locked in a tie with last place Stevens, who should seriously consider retirement from the Bigs after one of the worst seasons in history.

Pats manager Todd Smith was unable to be reached for comment, but many believe the losing skid and the release of a re-make of the Karate Kid are too close to be coincidence. Smith has never made any attempt to hide the fact that he hated the choice of Jackie Chan for the role of Mr. Miagi saying, "the guy can't even act! I mean, he wouldn't be able to hold Pat's jock." The city of Portland, which has gotten used to a perennial championship contender, hopes Smith can get his hat on straight for what should be an exciting race to the finish.

Our hometown Biscuits seem to want to keep us all in suspense as they dropped consecutive weeks to bottom dwellers, Habeneros and Toes. Many fans and most of the other clubs wrote them off, but they've roared back with 3 straight W's over playoff contenders. They are locked in a see-saw match-up with the Whales this week and hope to solidify a spot in the standings with a big win. Manager Max Bergmann, who reportedly is Sam Kirby, was close to losing his job to ESPN Bobby Valentine until he started managing again this week. Also, Whales GM Sammy Kirbay reportedly was jealous of Valentine's olive complexion and "couldn't bear the sight of that beautiful man day after day with this pasty skin."

If ever any team has backed into the playoffs, it would be the Kia Otters. Questions have been swarming around whether he has lost control of the locker room and Kia executives are considering dropping the team in 2011. It has been rumored that certain things in real life are becoming more of a priority than his fantasy baseball team, and I think I can speak for everyone when I say it is a sad day.

Andy Harrison and the Boozehounds can't seem to find any traction losing three in a row, yet still find themselves in striking distance and facing a joke of a Rousers club this week and a considerably cooled habenero club in the season finale. If they can't find a way into the top 6, it would be a miracle. Habenero manager Justin Brittle however, has made it a personal mission to make sure Abel and the Biscuits make the playoffs, reportedly quoted this weekend saying, "I love Joey Abel more than anything. If the habaneros can't make it, then I want it to be him...oh to be him." Brittle obsession with Abel has been well documented, but to take center stage in a push to the postseason like this is certainly taking it to a new level.

The Morecats have certainly made a strong case for a top seed as they go for their fifth straight win this week. Manager Sam Kirby was reportedly caught by his wife masturbating at the computer to a screen of the current Bigs standings. A bye may be the only thing standing between Kirby and another 1st round exit as Mertcat all-star Carlos Gonzalez is currently sidelined with sore knee. There's no telling what may happen if the Cats continue to choke when it matters.