The left coast is the right coast.

What's the first thing you ask yourself when you think of the Pats? Probably, "Who the fuck is Pat?" A fair response, the Pat’s manager, Todd Smith admits, acknowledging he lacks the years of childhood history (and apparent repressed homosexuality) that many of The Big’s managers share together. Now in is third year as manager of the Portland Pats (formerly “They Call Me Pat”), Smith can no longer be considered a rookie, although he admits he struggles to understand most of the smack thrown around the league. “These guys aren’t normal. They take smack to a whole new level. They belong on the that Arianna Huffingchick show, not on yahoo sports.” Smith explains. Even though he struggles to navigate the inside jokes, Smith says he feels and home in the league, and plans to expend large portions of the working day blogging about “shit my wife thinks is stupid”.

Originally invited to join The Bigs by commissioner Sam-can’t-manage-a-pitching-staff-to-save-my-ass-Kirby, Smith knew none of the other managers. “Well, I guess I kinda knew the Whales manager, “Fake Sam”, Smith contends, “but that hardly counts.” Opportunity arose, however; in the the late summer of 2009 when the Smith clan was invited to Virginia to attend the fire-headed commissioner’s wedding. “I don’t know how the hell he got her to say yes,” Smith adds. “You should see this goofy look’n guy. He’s punching way above his weight class.” While in attendance, Smith was finally introduced to several of his fellow mangers, including the USA-hating Kia Otter’s, Coach Altizer. “He may not be able to set a lineup worth shit” exclaimed the fowl-mouthed Pat’s manger, “but, damn, he gives a fine toast.” The brief connections formed at this unlikely nuptial will hopefully provide Smith with a new found understanding of his fantasy baseball league.

When asked what his goals are for the upcoming season, I expected he might suggest that he looked forward to winning another championship (ala 2008 - his unexpected rookie success), or dominating the regular season (2009), but he simply had this to say: “I just want to talk me some shit. This is after all – THE BIGS.”