Rapid Report

MASSIVE TRADE BETWEEN KIRBY AND ALTIZER SENDS VOTTO TO MEERKATS...BLUE TACO TRUCK STILL MISSING WITH KIRBY WHO REFUSES TO START #3B or CATCHER...TOM WHITT SEEN SNIFFING AROUND JAMILE WEEKS LOCKER...JOEY ABEL asking about Choo

Monday, May 3, 2010

Pats Dump Justin Rodgers, Crush Toes

Billy Grant
The Bigs Insider

Portland- Portland Pats manager Todd Smith faces a public relations nightmare this week after failing to support their Blow a Save - Save a Life Foundation founded by Smith. Every time a Pat's reliever gave up a walk-off dinger, squandered a huge lead, or walked out and took a dump on the mound, the Portland Pats organization would proudly donate $10,000 to the Justin Rodgers Leukemia Fund. "Yeah...about that...." Manager Todd Smith said after the Pats pounded the Dromedary Toes 11-1 this week, "by Thursday we all just kind of thought...fuck it."

Blow a Save chairman Harry Jazzercise was beside himself on Monday after the Pats failed to raise any money for the cause. "What Smith did took a lot of gumption," Jazzercise said to the Portland Gazette, "I'd like to publically invite Smith and his bullpen to go blow themselves."

In addition to the Pat's new pro-Leukemia stance, the thrill of being first in the Bigs has gone directly to Smith's head. "We'll get back to blowing saves," Smith assured his fanbase on his blog today, "but if I was Justin Rodgers I wouldn't expect any hand-outs anytime soon."

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