Biscuits Not Satisfied at .500

Altizer, seen above on a South Korean billboard may be focusing too much on his abs, and not on the Otters

Associated Press

Ippy Nash

Baton Rouge - To his wife's dismay, Kia Otters manager Whit Altizer's modeling career in South Korea is taking off. Unfortunately, that success is not translating to the baseball field. Despite having the best offensive week of their lives, the Otters could not manage to hold off the Biscuits and fell all the way to 9th place. For the Biscuits and their manager, Joey Abel, this could be exactly what Baton Rouge needs to right the ship after a rocky start to the 2010 season.

Abel has made no secret of his theory that major league baseball starts and stops with the Biscuits, whom he believes are responsible for real-life players' ups and downs. It is hard to ignore the fact that despite being tops in almost all offensive categories and in many pitching stats, Abel and the Biscuits sit only at .500. I suppose that would be a welcome record for bottom feeding teams such as the Stevens, habaneros, and the Otters. Habaneros skipper Justin Brittle was quoted as saying, "I'd give my great buddy Joey Abel a handskey to be at .500 right now." This may not be applicable due to the fact that Brittle has been quoted numerous times offering to give Abel a hand job, sometimes with no expectation of any retribution or reciprocation. .500 is not however something Baton Rouge has come to expect from their home town team. The Biscuits track record of success could be one reason why many teams seem to rise to the occasion when they are playing the Abel's squad.

Big's Commish and Morecat manager Sam Kirby was asked about Abel's team and responded, "Hey, you can't argue with the guys success. Does he have a target on his back? Let me just say that I think he has a target on his ass." Kirby, seen below with a woman entirely too hot to be his wife has somehow managed to stay near the top of the heap, despite going through a team wide slump. The reverse could be true for Kirby, as many teams look at the matchup with the Meecats as an easy win, and therefore slack off in preparation and mid-week management.

This week's matchup has been no different for the Biscuits, who are locked up with the Northside Blue jays. Despite never have batting above .250 as a team this year, the Jays are hitting well over .300 and confusing Biscuit batters by throwing nearly 20 shutout innings. Jays manager Tony Gallant was asked earlier this week about facing the incredibly patriotic Abel but no one could understand a word he said, due to his accent. During Abel's pregame press conference, he was quoted as saying, "Mr. Gay-lant needs to learn to speak American." He also went on to propose a wall on America's northern border and insisted everyone refer to him as Joe six pack. Abel spent the remainder of the press conference refusing to believe that Keanu Reeves was Canadian.

With there recent performance on the field, Abel and the Biscuits bought some breathing room. Hopefully, the Bigs Northern expansion team will come back down to reality and help the Biscuits avoid their first loss since week 4.