Week 1 Leaves Some Cities Nervous

Billy Grant
The BIGS Insider

Baton Rouge---The 2010 Bigs season is still very much in its infancy, but that does little to comfort the fans of Washington, Baton Rouge and Roanoke as they witness their teams allowing enough runs to qualify them for mercy by the slaughter rule in T-ball. "The Stevens are receiving an ass kicking of Biblical proportions," MLB.com analyst Peter Gammons noted, "it's only week one, but they need to start building an ark. Preferably one with pitching."

Skipperless Meerkats: Sam Kirby even made a trip to Korea this week to scout week 8 opponent the Kia Otters.

Meanwhile in Washington a collective groan can be heard as the Whales promising draft has done little to put runs on the board for skipper Max Bergmann. "We're not worried," the always calm and collected Bergmann said before Wednesday nights game, "with some of our stars starting the season on the bench we knew it would be a slow start." But with promising starts out of pitchers Dan Haren and Brett Anderson, Rousers manager JP Vinson is having a come to Jesus moment. "I promised the Good Lord that if I got sober he'd get me good pitching," Vinson said after Anderson's lights out start, "shit, I'll give up cursing for some bats."

While the Whales looked beached in our nation's capital, things aren't looking much better in Baton Rouge for manager Joey Abel and his seemingly uninterested squad. "Our bullpen is looking epic," Abel said late Wednesday night, "but Zambrano isn't giving them much to work with." Abel's bats are strong, but they are proving no match for the Meerkats lineup anchored by Albert Pujols. "Big Al is so good," Meerkats manager Sam Kirby said yesterday, "that we have decided to play without a shortstop." Kirby has been derided all week by baseball purist around the country for failing to replace the ailing Jose Reyes at shortstop. "Major dick move," noted the blog TheBigsAreUs.com "but vintage Kirby." The Biscuits will start controversial draft pick Shin Soo Chin in hopes of getting some numbers on the board for the uninspiring Biscuits.

Despite some lopsided games, North America and Korea seem to be happy about the 2010 Bigs baseball season. The temperatures are up, flowers are blooming and the quotes are flying out of the often abrasive Bigs managerial staff. "2010 is going to be unparallelled," Bigs VP Andy Harrison said earlier this week, "metaphorically it is going to be pony kegs and strippers."