Biscuits Falter Late; Questions Surround Martinsville

Baton Rouge - AP

Ippy Nash

Although the Biscuits fell to 0-2 on the season, eventually losing their early week lead to the start-up Sativas, bright spots in the lineup weren't the only reason for a quieter press conference in the clubhouse Sunday night. Most reporters and nearly all of the public's attention were fixed on league commissioner and Marcats manager Sam Kirby as allegations of performance enhancing drugs swirled around Martinsville and the recent hiring of former Mercat Mark McGwire as the head of Albert Pujols' entourage.

Pujols, who is on pace to hit 98 HRs and over 300 RBIs this season and has managed to keep his nose clean in this "steroid age" of baseball...until now, it seems. When asked to comment, Kirby responded saying, "Pooh Bear (Albert) wanted this...and what Pooh Bear wants, Pooh Bear gets." He went on to say something about not putting Albert in the corner, yet never managed to address the elephant in the room. Namely, the question of steroids, Kirby, and the Morcats. Unfortunately, this is only the latest in a string of allegations linking Kirby to the "cream" and the "clear."

In the offseason of 2004, Kirby was seen playing corn-hole with that Canadian doctor guy. In 05, he hired Sammy Sosa to give him Spanish lessons. In 06, Kirby was photographed riding a tandem bicycle during a celebration of the 19th century festival with Rafael Palmeiro. Kirby reportedly paid over 2 million to obtain all copies, however one has recently surfaced showing Palmeiro and his distinctive mustache and Kirby with his distinctively small stature (see below).

Even more than all the allegations of abuse, Kirby's homoerotic antics and overall inflated ego are starting to wear on some Martinsville faithful. One resident was quoted recently as saying, "How do you have the best baseball player that ever lived (Pujols), yet never manage to get better than 3rd? At some point it has more to do with the manager." This resident, later identified as Kirby's mom, seems to summarize the thoughts of many Cat fans.

One thing is for sure, if he keeps winning, all these questions will fall by the wayside. In Baton Rouge, if Joey Abel and the Biscuits keep losing, then not even this steroid abuse story will be able to quell the calls for Abel's head.