The BIGs Insider
Peter Gammons
Jacksonville, FL
In a move the managers around the league are questioning, Meerkats owner Sam Kirby sent long time Meerkat and fan favorite Matt Holiday, Eric Hosmer and starting pitcher Josh Beckett to the Chattanooga satchels for Joey Votto and Jason Heyward. Altizer was seen leaving his office the other day with a gigantic smile. “This reminds me of the 05 season where Kirby convinced he needed a good outfielder traded me Chris Carpenter for Alou. Carpenter went on to win the Cy Young that year.” When asked how he did that year the smile quickly turned to a frown. “Well we had a mediocre year, but Kirby lost the trade, Moises Alou pissed on his hands and then on the Meerkats.” Kirby on the other hand is more mysterious with his trades. We tried reaching him at home in Martinsville, but his office did not return out calls. Analysts predict that this was a move to help increase his HR/RBI totals that he may have felt short. Whatever the thought process for this deal, the Meerkats will need Heyward to produce at his rookie level for it to work. One thing is for sure, Kirby has something up his sleeve and the league should probably worry about it. Joey Abel when reached for comment said-“That is some bullshit, I’ve been trying to get Matt Holliday on the Biscuits for 6 years-and he goes and trades him to Altizer for Joey Votto and some minor league hack-Altizer gets three gigantic pieces, but will eventually fuck it up anyhow.” New Commissioner Andy Harrison wasn’t as forgiving “I’m may veto of this because this helps Kirby somehow, I’m not exactly sure yet…but Kirby is a fucking genius at these sorts of deals” Harrison is just getting his seat warm this week, when he realized he drafted a closer that he’ll have to DL for three months. Some fans have suggested he can’t do both. “Harrison’s never been able to chew gum and walk at the same time.” “Multitasking is not his strong suit.-well tasking in general ain’t really his thing. He seems more of a delegator of bad ideas, I’m pretty sure grapefruit gum was his idea.”
Around the horn:
The Bigs say goodbye to some old teams, while four new ballclubs enter this season with hopes of glory. More to come on old friends and new managers.
Tom Whitt was arrested for throwing a fastball at Chase Utley’s knee. Shouting “I’ll give you an injury-go on the DL one more time”
Todd Smith was seen out late night in Portland with two bike messengers and a granola magnate.
Owner of the Shortstops Striking goes simply by “Brock”. Not much is known about him, and he is rarely seen in public but early Wikipedia articles suggest he is the love child of Bono and Sade.
The Baton Rouge Biscuits had a very good draft and are this year’s early favorite for the BIGs Cup. Manager Abel is not letting this get to him. “Well are we going to win the cup-shit does Altizer’s child wear and adult XL size hat?”
Around the horn:
The Bigs say goodbye to some old teams, while four new ballclubs enter this season with hopes of glory. More to come on old friends and new managers.
Tom Whitt was arrested for throwing a fastball at Chase Utley’s knee. Shouting “I’ll give you an injury-go on the DL one more time”
Todd Smith was seen out late night in Portland with two bike messengers and a granola magnate.
Owner of the Shortstops Striking goes simply by “Brock”. Not much is known about him, and he is rarely seen in public but early Wikipedia articles suggest he is the love child of Bono and Sade.
The Baton Rouge Biscuits had a very good draft and are this year’s early favorite for the BIGs Cup. Manager Abel is not letting this get to him. “Well are we going to win the cup-shit does Altizer’s child wear and adult XL size hat?”
No comments:
Post a Comment