Rapid Report

MASSIVE TRADE BETWEEN KIRBY AND ALTIZER SENDS VOTTO TO MEERKATS...BLUE TACO TRUCK STILL MISSING WITH KIRBY WHO REFUSES TO START #3B or CATCHER...TOM WHITT SEEN SNIFFING AROUND JAMILE WEEKS LOCKER...JOEY ABEL asking about Choo

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Kirby Ousted by Coup de Andy

Billy Grant
The Bigs Insider

MARTINSVILLE, Virginia --- Sam Kirby was overthrown by Vice President of Player Development of the Bigs Andy Harrison just minutes before the Bigs scheduled draft which was mistakenly scheduled on the very evening of Mr. Kirby's wife's birthday. "Oops," Kirby said in a released statement today, "looks like I really fucked myself."
Harrison walks into Sam Kirby's wedding in 2009.

VP Harrison cited Kirby's "head up his own assness" to the violent overthrow before the draft. "This sort of irresponsible tomfoolery has gone on long enough," Harrison, who has given up cussing for Lent said today, "this makes Sam and our league look like a dipdoodle, motherfracker."

While most managers have shown an loyal allegiance to Kirby in the past, many jumped ship within seconds. "Cool," Todd Smith said at the mere mention of a new league headed by Harrison, "Kirby has run this league like a real cuntdoodle."

This is the 3rd commissioner since the Bigs inception in 2004. Kirby peacefully took over the league in 2008 from former commissioner Whit Altizer. Kirby took a league that Altizer ran into the ground and after a couple of victories ran it further into the ground. "This is how it has to be," Andy Harrison said after the coup, "Kirby will not take a fire extinguisher to this league under my watch."
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3 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 28, 2012 at 8:34 PM

    Kirby needed to go...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Greta EvansMarch 28, 2012 at 8:36 PM

    Kirby was the best thing to happen to the league. The league would have died years ago if not for him. I still believe he is the right man for the job. You have to believe. Harrison is going to turn this into pottersville. strip clubs and discotecs and casinos on every corner. The Pats are going to have a one legged stripper for a 1st baseman.

    ReplyDelete
  3. HarrisonMarch 29, 2012 at 6:01 AM

    That's right this league is now out of the incapable hands of that leprachaun Sam Kirby and is under new leadership...more importantly my leadership. We will have ten teams if I have to finance them all myself. No more championship trophies lost in the hands of Brian Whitaker for years at a time and most importantly everyday is a bachelor party for someone in the league. Like Emeril's cookbook in The BIGS everyday will be a party. So jump on board the reign of Harrison has begun!

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