Kim Jaeb-ul: South Korea finds a New Antagonist

The Bigs Insider

Billy Grant

Gwangju--This week calls for Whit Altizer's job are echoing throughout South Korea, but promises for Joey Abel's head rang even louder. Koreans, who have a gift for grudges, have been unable to let go of the fact that Abel stole Shin Soo Choo from the Otters in the 2010 Bigs draft, and they have become even angrier about his dismantling of the Otters last week. "He son-uh-bitch," one unidentified Korean shouted at an Abel effigy last night, "Jaeb-ul sucks smelly fish," yelled another.

Joey Abel insulting Korea during a recent press conference.

Koreans have shown more anger recently over their loss to their hated rivals, the Biscuits, than they have for North Korea and Kim Jong-il. The press is now calling Joey Abel "Kim Jaeb-ul" (김쳅을) and many Koreans are seeking to bar Abel from the peninsula for life. Korean immigration released a statement today saying "Joey Abel's prescence in South Korea is toxic and we are looking at how we can make this explosive situation better for Korea."

Altizer and Abel facing off in a one-on-one pick-up ice hockey match this winter.

But Abel is no stranger to hostility. Just ask the women that lived on sorority row at Louisiana State University in the early 2000s. If there was one thing they hated more than Auburn or Sig-Ep, it was Joey Abel. "Yeah, like, he said he loved me," Mary Ellen Johnson (now Redd) said in 2003 echoing many others, "but I turned out to be just another notch on his belt."

Not only has Abel made enemies in his personal life, but he continues to ruffle the feathers of those in the Bigs for his questionable business ethics and for his constant degradation of his opponents. Every manager has a story. "He called us 'a bunch of hillibillies,'" Rebel Rousers J.P. Vinson remembered, "and said he 'should be allowed to implement 'jus primae noctis' in our state to weed out the stupid' in Mississippi." "He called the citizens of Portland 'high falutin hippies,'" Todd Smith said, "who care more about the texture of their latte milk than a base hit." Taking a shot at Sam Kirby and the Meerkats he suggested he "wasn't surprised" that Martinsville wasn't in the textile business anymore because "besides for Tom Whitt who wears sweatsuits anymore?" Bluejays manager Tony Gallant told Le Monde that Abel is a "le basterd" for his unprintable comments about Canadians.

So Abel is taking the hate aimed at him in stride climbing to 6th place this week. "Hey, we're at .500 right now," Abel said from his home in Baton Rouge, "that's good enough to get a blow job by (another manager's)** wife."

**edited to protect the innocent