Biscuits Burned; Swisher Breaks Nishioka

Baton Rouge - ap

Ippy Nash

Baton Rouge got a rude awakening this week as the hometown Biscuits fell to a strong Vancouver club. Overpowered on the mound and at the plate, Vancouver took an early lead and never relinquished. Perhaps the most surprising point of the matchup was Varmits fourth starter, Jaime Garcia. Garcia surprised many last year with a strong rookie campaign but no one could have predicted the strong start he had, outshining Varmits Aces Roy Halladay, Chris Carpenter, and Cliff Lee. Biscuits manager refused to give Garcia his due however when asked, and instead chose to question Garcia's citizenship saying, "how many Garcia's do you know that came from America...how many Garcia's you know speak American?" Abel began to rant about allowing Canadian teams into the Bigs, the disintegration of the nuclear family, and entitlement programs before being cut off by security at the press conference.

The Vancouver Varmits, celebrating their week one victory over the Biscuits

Perhaps more concerning for the Biscuits was their starting shortstop being forced onto the DL by Pats outfielder Nick Swisher. Swisher went out of his way to snap the lower half of Biscuit rookie shortstop, Tsuyoshi Nishioka's leg in two. The Pats and the Swisher have tried to downplay the incident and Nishioka even seemed not to begrudge the Pats slugger as they had what looked like a pleasant exchange at the hospital following the incident. However, when reporters were able to translate the conversation it went as follows,

Swisher: hey man, sorry about breaking your leg in half

Nishioka: Fuck you, douchebag

Swisher, seen here on the official 2011 Portland Pats media guide

Either way, the Biscuits will have to put together a stronger effort this week as they face a Habeneroes team off to a surprising hot start. When asked for a comment about it, Abel stated "You know who else is hot? The Royals. Who gives a shit?" The Habeneroes, for their part couldn't be any happier. Each week they face the Biscuits is a city wide holiday in Hanover. Reporters caught up with Habeneroes manager, Justin Brittle at a Renaissance festival this this weekend, but he was unable to comment as he was up next in the mock joust.