S. Korea in Uproar: Altizer sends Newborn to Draft Otters

Altizer's son, seen here right before last night's draft

Ippy Nash - Associated Press

Officials in Seoul today had to order riot police to quiet crowds estimated in the thousands yesterday. Citizens took to the streets when word got out that Kia Otters manager Whit Altizer reportedly sent his new born son, to draft this years baseball team. Rage was heightened when Altizer stuck a mustache onto the child in the hopes of fooling the press and Otter faithful into thinking it was him. The stunt was unsuccessful and questions swirled around the Kia complex today. Although even a child should know better than to draft Alfonso Soriano and even the Biscuits know not to take David Ortiz before July, not everyone was outraged at the picks. When stopped on the street, Ting Tang, a software engineer commented, "This kid got Ichiro and that's a lot more than I can say for Altizer."

South Koreans in full protest

Others were not so optimistic. Some other Korean protestors, were seen burning an effigy of a mustache, which has become the common Korean symbol for the Otters due to Altizers decision to flaunt the fact that he was the only person in the country that could grow facial hair. If the middle and late rounds are where championships are made, the Otters can expect another mediocre year.

In other Bigs news, the Portland Pats drafted a severed horses head in the bed in the form of Rays utility player, Ben Zobrist. In addition, it is unclear whether Habeneroes manager Justin Brittle intentionally fixes his hair that way these days or if it was just a joke. Tony Gallant, the Varmit skipper, is currently being investigated for being Sam Kirby with a disheveled black wig. Sam Kirby is still gay despite reports he is married to a female, Mike Richards is gay by association, JP is still a pussy, Harrison is still overweight, Bergmann doesn't even exist, I know nothing about Allen Lawrence but I hate guys with two first names, and Tom Whitt, eat balls. I think that's everyone. Good luck clubs, the Bigs has begun again.