Meerkats Spank Boozehounds

Boozehounds Stay in 2nd Place Despite Being Handed their Jock

Jerry Spezio

Martinsville-AP-Though it is the dog days of summer, a feline is making his case in the Bigs this August. Last night, after a 10-3 drubbing, the Richmond Boozehounds tucked tail and ran out of Meerkats Stadium wondering just what went wrong. "This is typical Boozehound behavior," ESPN analyst Peter Gammens said today, "start out strong, but can't finish."

The 10-3 beating may keep many Richmonders out of Boozehounds park next week.

Despite the loss, the Boozehounds remain firmly in second place far ahead of the Meerkats. But the always confident Meerkats manager Sam Kirby remains arrogant about his chances at the cup. "J.P. Vinson is my whipping boy," Kirby said Sunday night, "I'm gonna hoedown all over that Texan and everyone after him." Boozehounds manager Andy Harrison, however, sounded dismal. "You never want to lose to Martinsville," Harrison said, "it is like losing a piece of your manhood."

Pujols .550 BA this week caused Sam Kirby to go public with his lust for the A.Pu. "So what?" Kirby asked the press corps who peppered him with questions about his mancrush.

Though it is always depressing to be a Richmonder, this Monday the 10th of August is especially joyless. The Boozehounds-Meerkats intrastate rivalry is one of the hottest in the Bigs dating back to the early 2000s. In a 2005 interview with Baseball Today, Harrison accused Kirby of collusion. "He and the Whales have made some very questionable deals," Harrison said in the '05 interview, "I'm not saying, I'm just saying." Kirby vehemently denied the accusations calling Harrison, "a crusty, old mangina" in a 2006 interview with ESPN. The two have traded sharp words ever since.

Varitek's future with the Boozehounds is uncertain. His .053 BA caused Boozehounds manager to call Varitek a "dick."

However, Sunday night Harrison left his sharpest words for his team. "I'd just like to personally thank a few players," Harrison said in a post game press conference, "Varitek, Tulowitzki thanks a f*ckload!"

Harrison called Troy Tulowitzi's performance "cute" but "far from cutting it."